The Man Who Kept Staring Up

Do you know people that are always stuck in the past? The kind of people who can’t let things go? They always hyperfocus on either what they could’ve had, what they lost, or what was done to them. Sometimes, all of the above. For the longest time, this described me. I’m someone who’s dealt with his fair share of trials in life and then some.

I don’t want to turn this post into a sob story, but I feel two key things I should mention here. One is that school isn’t exactly paradise for the financially challenged. The second is that sometimes you don’t know people as well as you think. That lesson I learned first hand. How I did is a long story

A four-year relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend was unfaithful. It wasn’t some big or dramatic confrontation when I found out. I was let off work early and happened across her and the other guy kissing. I know probably a lot of you reading this would’ve wanted to get out of your car and chew them out or get into a fight. In my case, it was as if my brain couldn’t process what I saw.

A lot of bad thoughts came into my head after that. I’d be lying if I said some of them weren’t violent. My ex must’ve suspected I knew something because she commented that I seemed distant. Part of me just knew that this had been going on for a long time. What could I do, though?

Sure I could have a baseball bat in hand and beat the shit out of the man, maybe even wreck her things to give her a scare. However, I imagine that would only serve to give me a lengthy prison sentence if I accidentally lost control. I told her I needed some space to think. It didn’t take me long to reach a conclusion on what to do. One thing I can say I’m grateful for is having some reliable friends.

I let my close one, Berto, know the situation and asked him if I could crash at his place. He said no problem and a week later while she was out of the house, I packed all the things that I paid for and left, not leaving her with much. I blocked her on all social media and deleted her number from my contacts. The only small victory I have is that now she’ll have to be dealing with the utility bills. If you ask me, it was about time she paid her fair share so at least there’s that.

As far as I was concerned she could be the other man’s problem until she ended up doing the same thing to him. In fact, for all, I know I may not be the first man she’s cheated on. I suppose I should count myself lucky in not getting any STDs from her or god forbid, her pregnant. I always made sure to use protection. After I’d moved in with Berto, who I should mention she didn’t know where he lived, I fell into a depressed slump.

I didn’t mope around and freeload off him. I found another job and basically put my nose to the grindstone to try and not think of the breakup. This didn’t work that well. I’d find my mind betraying me. It would scold me constantly for being so stupid I didn’t realize what was going on sooner.

Alternatively, I would get berated by it for not giving into my more primal urges as a solution to the issue. Berto is someone I can always talk to. Although, to my detriment in a lot of cases, I tend to lock up my grievances. He’s familiar with this personality trait of mine and recommended me a good shrink. I opened up to him about everything that bothered me from growing up all the way to my ex.

While he certainly was helpful, I still couldn’t completely let go of what happened. I told him this and he just said these things can take a long time to get past. He recommended that I should get out more. I took this advice by going to the park on my days off. At first, it seemed pointless.

The more I went, though, the more cathartic I found it to be. I made it a habit to go there on my days off. The general vibe of it made it so easy for me to let my thoughts wander away from weighing concerns. Maybe it was due to the fact I didn’t really have any me time during my relationship. Therefore, a drastic change from that lifestyle was probably what I needed. It did help a great deal, but I still found myself held back by the chains of my breakup.

It was another thing I kept beating myself up over. Keep in mind at this point it had been a year since the incident. My logic was along the lines of out of sight out of mind. if I didn’t hear or see her eventually she would leave my memory or so I tried to believe. This ended up having the opposite effect.

It could’ve been the fact that was my first romantic relationship and albeit from only my perspective, a serious one. In cases like that, it can take a specific event to truly leave something behind. What that was for me, while I do feel somewhat thankful for, I hope to never see again. When it happened was two years after the breakup and coincidentally on the day we met. It goes without saying that I wasn’t exactly in high spirits. I spent the day as I had the same way the year previously, feeling sorry for myself. To ease this feeling, I decided to see if going to the park would get my mind off it.

Normally, I would spend a few hours there at the most. On that day, though I felt the need to stay a lot longer. I’d been walking for a while and my feet were hurting so I sat down on one of the benches. I let out a sigh, moving my ankles and feeling the popping of joints that only comes with a lengthy period of continuous exercise. The rest of the day was spent listening to music on my phone and tossing some blueberries at ducks that wandered by.

Soon the light of the clear blue sky was fading into dusk and everyone was getting ready to leave. I chose not to yet, liking that I had some solitude at the park and not really being concerned with staying after dark. Eventually, though I figured I should call it a night and head home. I put my phone away and got up, stretching and yawning. As was I about to walk from the bench, there was an odd noise that reached my ears.

Scrape. Shuffle. Scrape. Shuffle. Scrape. Shuffle.

At first, I dismissed it as being some kind of animal. Then I wondered which one moved like that. It sounded too specific for it to simply be some large woodland creature. My immediate thought was that there was someone injured trying to walk. I would’ve felt pretty shitty leaving someone who might’ve needed medical attention alone without at least attempting to assist them. I began walking towards the sound.

If this had been a movie, that would be the part where the ominous music would be playing. However, it wasn’t like I had that to warn me nor some six sense or wrong gut feeling. As far as I knew, I was going to try and offer assistance to someone possibly in need. The only thing I did find odd at the time was that if someone was hurt why weren’t they calling out for help? I guessed they might’ve been hurt past the point of being able to communicate normally.

Scrape. Shuffle. Scrape. Shuffle. Scrape. Shuffle.

A figure slowly came into view at which I tried squinting to see better. They certainly seemed to be limping.

“Hey,” I called out, cupping my hands over my mouth. “Are you hurt? Do you need some help?”

They didn’t respond. Now I was beginning to get a little worried. Something about their posture seemed off. Although, they were still too far away to tell. When they got closer, I realized what was odd. This man was staring straight up at the sky.

Viewing this was bizarre to put it lightly. They were stuck in that position with every foot they moved forward. My first thought was that he had to be tripping out. I should mention that I do carry a gun on me just in case. I didn’t want to get panicky and shoot anyone, but I did pat my holster as a sort of reassurance.

The man became illuminated by the streetlamps which enabled me to make out more things about him. What struck me as immediately strange was the fact that he was wearing a long brown robe, akin to the ones people wear to graduation. One glance let me know that it was old. Parts of it had holes while others were splitting. How it was still in one piece, I didn’t know.

Now my assumption was that whoever this man was, he must have some mental issues. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to do next. I thought about calling the cops, but I wasn’t sure how he’d be treated. My next thought was the hospital. I mean, he was pretty thin, maybe even malnourished. Unfortunately, ambulance bills are something I’m not financially equipped to deal with.

I did some brief self-debating and decided the best course of action would be to contact the police after all. Then let them know the situation. I stared at him. There was something else off in addition to everything else I mentioned. I thought initially that it must be that he hadn’t talked yet. However, a deeper part of me knew that wasn’t it.

A feeling was eating at me, the kind that only comes when you know there’s something in plain sight that your brain is failing to register, I tried to say something else, but found myself unable to.

“What’s wrong with me?” I wondered. “Am I…Afraid?”

But that was ridiculous. What did I have to fear from this man? Even if he was a little tall, his gauntness should’ve made him relatively easy to deal with. Not to mention, his robe didn’t have pockets so it wasn’t as though he could keep a weapon anywhere. Well, except maybe his shoes.

That was when I got the idea to glance at them. He wasn’t wearing any. Instead, what I saw, which caused me to have a breath-catching in my throat reaction, was that the man’s feet were wrong. To put it simply, they shouldn’t have even been functional. They were dark and discolored with burns all over. It was as if this man stood in fire after getting severe frostbite.

I could even see bone through some of the skin. It wasn’t just his feet either. Initially, I was under the assumption the man was black. Now I was coming to realize that his skin was so disfigured that determining his race was impossible. The same injuries were also on his hands and neck.

I wondered how I didn’t notice any of this before. Maybe it was due to the lighting. Then again, it could be that I didn’t want to notice it because it meant accepting the fact I was standing in front of a literal walking corpse. Unconsciously, I took a step back, and the man’s chest started heaving. The best way I can describe his laughter is being similar to the noise an old rusty steam engine would make, one that was only now being used after years.

Brief sharp dry coughs punctuated each giggle. Sweat trickled down my forehead. It was already obvious this man wasn’t normal. Hell, I’m not even sure he could be considered human. I suppose he is, albeit in a very technical sense.

Abruptly, his cackles ceased. He was trying to make another noise. It took me a moment to realize that he was trying to speak.

“Beau…Tiful…So….Beautiful.”

I tried taking another step back. What happened next I still have a hard time believing. He moved fast, almost gliding, and grabbed me by the wrist. It was so sudden, that I didn’t know how to react. Contrary to his physique, he had an iron grip. Try as I might, I wasn’t able to yank my hand free.

“Let me go,” I demanded in a stuttering shout.

“Do you see it?”

My eyes, without me wanting it, cast themselves upward. Above us, there was something slowly coming into view. At first, it was transparent. The longer I looked, the more solid it got. This thing, whatever it is, I didn’t want to see it, but it was like an invisible hand held me in place.

It was like a cloud except its color was akin to that of a beating heart. Multi-colored sparks of lightning crackled within its body, making it exert a rainbow hue.

“What is it?” I asked in a mixture of horror and awe.

“Beautiful…”

The man kept repeating this word, making it apparent he lost his sanity a long time ago. Part of the cloud began opening up and the electricity within sparked and grew. I blinked and a bolt shot out, striking me. I felt the surge overwhelm my body and thought for sure it was the end for me. This wasn’t the case.

My eyes cleared of the brightness and I found myself in a completely different area. I was standing in a grassy field. The wind seemed to be blowing and yet I couldn’t feel it. Glancing down showed me that its blades were passing through my legs. The man was nowhere to be found.

“Is this some kind of afterlife?” I wondered.

This wasn’t the kind I was expecting. Granted, I’m not religious, but I’d never heard of one quite like this. From my perspective, it didn’t seem very divine. As a matter of fact, it felt as though I was still on Earth. Seeing a herd of wild cows grazing verified this.

It would’ve been a majestic sight if it weren’t for the fact they were stampeding in my direction. Outrunning them wouldn’t have been possible so I screamed, mentally preparing to be trampled. I raised my hands in a feeble attempt to shield myself. I didn’t feel anything. Confused, I lowered my arms and saw the cows passing right through me.

Another sound echoed over the plains. This time it was galloping. I looked over, seeing armored men on horseback. I put two and two together and came to the shocking conclusion that this was the past in another country with me being a spectator. Like the cows, the men took no notice of my presence while riding by.

Unsure of what else to do, I decided to head in the same direction. When I took a step, everything suddenly zoomed by. It was as if I was stuck to a moving floor that someone sped up. The feeling of it was extremely jarring. If it weren’t for my ethereal state, the sensation would’ve caused me to puke.

Everything spun around my vision before coming to an abrupt halt. I blinked as it was all going from double back to being in focus. That’s when I took notice of the current scene. A man and woman lay in the bed of a room that, judging by its appearance, belonged to royalty. It was clear they were and pardon my crudeness, going at it.

Even though they couldn’t see me, I didn’t want to be weird. I shifted my eyes away, wondering why I was getting shown this. In that instant, the door flew open. In its frame, stood a man, intimidatingly built he blocked the door. He gripped the handle of a sword with his focus on the couple.

There was a certain gaze in his eyes. It was the kind someone has when they’ve long suspected something and against their hopes, are having it confirmed. The woman tried to reason with him. I couldn’t understand her because they were speaking in a different language. Although, it didn’t take a genius to deduce what she was telling the armed man.

She was shaking her head, probably saying to him that she was sorry and that this was a mistake. The man beside her was darting his eyes around the room either to find an escape or a weapon. The swordsman’s lips moved with two syllables. I think he was calling her a traitor. When it clicked for me what was about to happen, my heart sank.

He raised his weapon. I tried to turn away. However, something held me in place. No matter how hard I tried, moving was not possible even to shut my eyes. I was forced to witness every last gory bit of it. He brought his sword down and the other man moved to push her away, causing her to fall.

The blade made a deep cut across his chest and gasped, clutching the wound as it bled. He said something to the woman and she attempted to run for the door. Sadly, this failed. The man’s hand shot out behind him, seizing her by the hair. She was begging for mercy with tears streaming down her face.

If she’d been facing a pack of starving wolves instead, her chance of getting it would’ve been better. He threw her back onto the bed and started stabbing. This happened in front of her lover whose life was quickly draining away as he was trying to reach for her. I wanted to scream or throw up or do anything else but watch. It took an eternity before the man satisfied his rage.

By the time he was done, the sheets were crimson. Some guards came in and their faces paled. There was a mirror in the room and through the blood splatters on it, I could tell my complexion was similar. Things sped up again. Now I was seeing the man sitting on a throne.

“He’s a king?” I thought. “Of course he is. How else could he have gotten away with what he did?”

I noticed he seemed a lot thinner, nearly gaunt. In the palm of his hand, an object glinted. It was a gold ring studded with diamond and sapphire. He clutched it tightly to his chest and sighed. The doors to his throne room opened and he sat up quickly.

There was someone new a slightly nervous man holding a black box. The king took on a hungry gaze upon his eyes falling on it. He nodded at the man who appeared reluctant to hand it over. Gripping his sword’s hilt, the king gave him a dark look. In response, he gave it up while staring down at the floor.

Curious, I went over as it was opened. There was an oddly shaped piece of jewelry lying on soft velvet.

“Is that an eye?” I found myself wondering aloud.

The cover of it was gold with obsidian-black lashes With a touch from the king, it opened, revealing a ruby red orb with a white snake-like pupil. It darted around briefly before settling on the king. Then I shivered because I realized it wasn’t only looking at him but also me. The king sent the other man away and he left in a hurry.

The room rippled and I shut my eyes, knowing what was to come. By the time I opened them, things were thankfully no longer spinning. It was night and the king was holding the eye up, facing his window. The moon created a column of light in an otherwise dim room. It was beginning to glow with an orange outline.

It reminded me of that black hole photo. The vibe it gave off was already unsettling and I desperately wished to be away from it. An eerie stillness fell over everything. I stared at the king who was chanting and then winced. Blood was dripping from the hand holding the eye.

At the moon’s center appeared a faint spec. Time was still and I knew whatever was about to happen we were the sole witnesses. Then again, I could be wrong if he wasn’t its first victim. The spec grew and I knew what I was about to see. The cloud spread over the sky, covering our view of the stars.

A wispy arm stretched towards him. When it touched his forehead, there was an electrical crackle followed by a blinding flash of light.

I see your desire.

“Who the hell is that?” I thought and felt my neck hairs stand up.

I didn’t have this reaction because the voice sounded harsh or scary. It was the opposite as if I was listening to an old friend. I couldn’t see anything since it was so bright. However, I could still hear. The king spoke again and this time, I was able to clearly understand him.

“What will it cost?”

You already know the answer. The real question is are you willing to pay it?

“I am. Bring her back to me.”

The light faded and this time I was standing on dirt. There was something off about it, though. I examined it and came to the conclusion that I was standing on an imprint. Looking around showed me that it wasn’t only the castle gone. It was the entire kingdom.

With a gulp, I scanned the area for the now throneless king. I spotted him and he was standing in a chillingly familiar pose. He stared up at the sky, up at it.

“I know you’d never betray me,” he said and laughed. “Now we can rule together.”

He walked and the scene changed around us again. Lush grass fields became deserted wastelands and it was changing still. Even at the ocean floor, he still walked, staring up and wearing that same smile. It didn’t matter to him when his foot was pierced by coral and a group of sharks started ripping into his flesh. He kept going.

Eventually, he traversed snowy terrain, first biting his feet. Extravagant clothes once meant for a king, faded into flowing rags, and yet through all the mutilation, his lips remained permanently curved upward. His gaze did too until I met him. With another flash, I was back in the park with the cold touch of the cloud’s arm on my forehead.

Confliction weighs heavily upon your mind composed of both anger and love. You will have two choices.

Two scenarios flashed before me. Even though I knew they were fake both felt so real. The first was an idealized version of my ex, smart and kind. In other words, how she would be if she wasn’t a cheater. Although, I know now those traits were only a front.

The second scenario was disturbing. A coppery smell invaded my nostrils. I already knew what I would see before it was shown. In my mind, it’s happened repeatedly. My ex and the man she was with laid dead at my feet, hacked to death.

I felt my hand gripping something. I looked at it, noticing almost absent-mindedly, a blood-covered machete. It wouldn’t be truthful to say this didn’t feel more enticing of the two options. However, as my posting implies, I rejected both of them. Don’t get me wrong.

It wasn’t out of some deep moral obligation or willpower to resist temptation. Rather, the real reason was more egocentric. Put simply, I knew that either choice would forever bind me to her in some way. That would be a terror in and of itself. Therefore, I made the sensible choice.

The gun I mentioned earlier is a revolver. I reached down, cocking it and pulling it from the holster. With the barrel pressed firmly against my captor’s wrist, I pulled the trigger, causing a bloody spray as he released his grip. Instantly, the cloud and its voice were gone. Freed, I bolted.

Only once did I glance back to see if the man was giving chase. He was standing in the same spot, still wearing that same wide smile. After tilting his head back, he resumed walking. I unlocked my car door with trembling hands. Every second I would glance up to see if he was suddenly by me.

Thankfully, he didn’t. Although, while backing up, I did catch a glimpse of him far off in the distance. It was only by the time I got back home did I realize my shirt was soaked with sweat. Berto saw how freaked I was and asked what happened. Before I could think of a believable explanation, the details of what happened came pouring from my mouth.

He listened intently, not interrupting once. My chest was heaving by the time I was done from me speaking so longwindedly. The look in his eyes was that of someone who doesn’t buy a story entirely but thinks that perhaps there is a kernel of truth to it.

“So what do you think?” I asked.

“Look, I can’t say believe what you just told me outright. Are you sure he didn’t just drug you?”

Do you know that feeling you get when you turn your house upside down while searching for your keys and then you realize all you needed to do was check your pocket? That washed over me.

“You’re right,” I laughed with relief. “Why didn’t I think of that? And to think I got so worked up over nothing.”

“Well, you were drugged.”

“But I’m feeling better so it must’ve worn off. Too bad about that guy I shot, though. I wonder if he’ll be alright?”

Berto shrugged.

“I think you have enough to worry about right now.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, tiredly. “ I might make a police report tomorrow. Some of the guy’s blood did get on my gun. Do you think that might be able to help them track him down?”

“Maybe. Can I see it?”

When it was out of my holster, I almost dropped it out of shock. Coating my revolver’s barrel was something akin to dried blood except with a much different color or rather, colors. Do you know the residue that m & m’s leave on your palm? It reminded us of that except thicker. I know that sounds odd.

However, Berto works in the medical field and has seen his fair share of injuries. He’d know blood if he saw it.

“Please say you have a good explanation for this,” I said as he was inspecting my gun.

His eyes shifted from it to me. He was silent for a moment.

“I wish I did.”

This all happened nearly a week ago. I did make a report, but nothing came of it. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting anything anyway. I asked the police about the blood on my gun and they said they’d never seen anything like it. Needless to say, I’ve avoided that park ever since.

I still go on my walks, just at a different one, just never alone. Somehow I get the feeling he only shows himself to a single person at a time. Even though my hands still shake whenever he comes to memory, I am grateful for one thing. He and it showed me how self-destructive obsession can be and I’m thinking about finally putting myself out there again. I won’t lie.

I’m a bit nervous about it. Hopefully, it goes well. At the very least, thanks to them, I can finally move on.