I Don’t Need Help

I am writing this for no particular reason other than my own amusement. Now, as the title of this post says I don’t need help. I am perfectly safe and sound. I’m comfortable typing all of this in my chair on my computer. I am not currently hidden inside a cabin and posting this from my phone as a means of reaching out to someone.

I want to make it abundantly clear that I was not out on a walk last week and I was not kidnapped by three men in cultist robes. Seeing as how I was never kidnapped, I should add that I was not taken to a stone altar deep in the woods. Also, I did not witness several people get sacrificed on it by getting carved open with ceremonial daggers. There was no ritualistic chanting and the victims’ blood did not drip onto a pattern of runes carved into the altar. Their blood did not seep into the altar as if it were a giant sponge.

The runes did not begin to glow. The air never rippled in the slightest. No portal ever opened up. There was no monster that resembled a scaly humanoid manticore that came out of the portal. It did not grab two of the cultists much to their shock and then proceed to devour them alive. The other cultists did not realize their mistake and attempt to flee.

Due to this fact, I was unable to escape while the monster fed on the cultists because there were no cultists and there is no monster. As I said, I am currently…